Own Worst Enemy

I am tired today.  The sun is shining, it is Friday, but I am tired.  I would like nothing more than to be under the covers sleeping the morning away.  Now my mind is overthinking this; is it because I am going to hit a depression episode, or is it just because I am tired from scrolling through Pinterest till eleven last night.  Did I not sleep well because I am worried about my job, or because I am cycling into a new mood?  Yes, I am my own worst enemy. I am actually giving myself a headache.

I am lucky enough to be home today because the dog gets his stitches out.  Do not fret, he just had a growth removed from over his eye.  Surgery went well and he has been sporting three purple stitches.  Today he gets them removed, which he will be soooo thrilled about.  His name is Colt.  He is now 13 years old, will be 14 in June.  Colt is my baby (other than my son, of course).  My ex-husband and I adopted Colt when he was only eight weeks old.  The pound named him Skylar because he had blue eyes.  What a silly name for such a dog.  Maybe more about him later.  I feel like I am getting distracted.

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Well that wasn't so bad, he got a car ride and swooned over by the techs, so Colt is a happy camper.  I on the other hand, am frustrated with my 9-5 job and just really want out of the rat race.  I do not mind sitting at the computer all day, or even working, working hard, I actually excel at it.  What I do mind is getting a new boss every other month, having my job description change along with that new boss, and sitting a cubicle farm when I can be sitting home, in my pajamas, doing the same exact work.  Maybe my blog will take off and I can become an internet sensation!!  That would be cool, making my own hours, writing about what I love or want to know more about.  That would be the life!  I could concentrate on this and Colt's Bones, where I sell all kinds of things from bags, to dog and cat toys.  You can like us/them on Facebook also!

Okay, I am done shamelessly plugging myself for now.  Long story short, I just really want to create; I want to be able to keep my own hours to coincide with my cycles.  I want to be my own boss-the American Dream.  I am a second-generation American; my grandparents worked hard to give my parents a better life, my parents worked hard to give me better life.  So why am I still working so hard to give my son a better life?  Why am I still limping by, paycheck to paycheck?  Because I live in a society and work in a force where I am disposable.  Don't show up to work because of a massive depressive episode? Oh well, on to the next person.

That loyalty that use to exist between employee and employer is no longer.  There are just too many people to fill the generic job positions available.  We do not get our shoes fixed anymore, we buy a new pair.  Stained your shirt?  Lost a button? Just get a new one!  By making everything in our lives disposable, we have made ourselves disposable as well.  Downtown store fronts are vacant because people rather purchase quantity of quality from the Wal-Mart's and Targets moving in across the nation.  Yes, these establishments create jobs, but at what cost?  A family of four can no longer survive on one income, hell, a family of one can barely survive on one income.

So where does this leave someone with mental health issues?  Well, usually at the bottom of the ladder, getting ready to climb again.