Hello Insomnia, My Old Friend

10:17

I am laying here in bed,  for about 45 minutes now, trying to push aside all of my hopes, dreams, and fears so I can fall asleep.  The truth is, I am a dizzy from all of the thoughts running through my head faster than I can glimpse them.   This happens often. Sometimes I can push them away, sometimes I cannot.

I think the hardest part is not really knowing what they are, just catching a bit or piece of them here and there. Finally focusing on one, to have it interrupted by another. It is like having a room full of sugared-up toddlers in my brain. Occasionally I get the migraine to go along with it.  Soon I will get up, again,  to go to the bathroom,  and then crawl back into bed, attempt to get comfortable,  hopefully drifting off to sleep.

If I am lucky, I will sleep through the night, but that is unlikely in any mental state for me. As long as the thoughts are running, my mind will race trying to keep up with them,  which is crazy because it is that same mind that is creating them. Have you ever tried telling your brain to turn off? Well, it doesn't work that way apparently.

I do have a few tricks up my sleeve, but none of them work all the time, and some nights,  none of them work.

• I read something in print, like a book. Screen time is bad news before bed. Magazines just do not do it for me in this scenario; it has to be a book.
• I pet the cat. Feeling her warmth, and listening to her purr while running my fingers through her soft coat is very soothing to me. I concentrate on the sound of her purrs and usually can drift off to sleep, or at least a very relaxed state.
• I write. Similar to what I am doing now, except with pen and paper. Using anything with a screen would counteract the benefits.  
• I talk to myself. I just say everything out loud. Taking the words from your head and putting a voice to them, to me, gives some clarity on the thought and helps it on its way.
• Orgasms. However you get one is your business,  but the release you get is amazingly therapeutic.
• Having a snack. I only eat certain foods after a certain time, but having a snack, like a bowl of cereal,  an english muffin with cream cheese, string cheese, or even a glass of milk, can give your body enough  a satisfactory feeling to let you sleep.
• Avoid alcohol. You may think that you can have a couple to help you fall asleep,  but you will not stay asleep, and the quality of what you do get will be poor.

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Last night, the cat purring is what finally did it for me.  I only woke up once or twice, but my kid got up at the butt crack of dawn, so I will be exhausted all day.  The best thing that I can do to deal with this, is to put a smile on my face, concentrate on my to do list, and have some fun with the kiddo.  After all, he did make me two pictures already this morning that profess his love for me :)  

A Gavin original!