My Time in the Psych Ward: The First Night

As I mentioned previously, this is actually something I thought would be easy to talk about, but to describe it is just really weird.  I wish I had a better word for it.

Walking up to the Adult Psychiatric Unit was scary; it was dark and we were escorted by security.  I had no idea what to expect.  The nurses for the unit told me to have a seat in a chair across from the nurse's station.  They took my bag and went through it; I was able to keep my journal and colored pencils.  I traded in my draw-string shorts for scrub pants, and my hair clip for a elastic pony.  I was handed a paper cup with a toothbrush and toothpaste in it.  They took my blood pressure, temperature, and asked me a bunch of intake questions while I was eating a box lunch.

I just remember being scared.  Everyone kept telling me I was safe; but I was still scared.  Of what?  Well I am not exactly sure.  Everything I guess.  What was tomorrow going to bring?  What was going to happen to my son?  Sure he was with his dad that night, but I was supposed to pick him up from the sitter the next day.  How was he going to react when I asked him to pick him up.  Would I be able to ask him?  What was tomorrow going to bring?

I was assigned my room, given a list of rules and told what time breakfast was.  I was also given two towels and one of those huge water mugs/bottles that are so common in hospitals.  It even had my name on it.  I took in the room; it could easily be converted for two people if needed, two desks, two dressers, two chairs, two sitting chairs, but only one bed.

I laid down and tried to sleep, my mind was pretty numb at this point, but all I could do was cry.  I cried for at least another hour.  Who knew I had any more tears to shed.  Eventually I fell asleep.  I slept solid, for the first time in a long time, even though I had no idea what morning, as it was already tomorrow, would bring.

The Medication Roller Coaster

Do not be afraid of medication when diagnosed with a mental illness; it can actually be your friend and help you lead a normal life.  Unfortunately, it is usually a roller coaster of a ride until you find the one, or combination, of meds and dosages that work for you.  This can be a scary thing, but you have to trust in yourself and  your provider that you will figure it out.  

New medications take time to become effective, and the first couple of weeks on a new one can really suck.  Sometimes, even after your body has become use to it, you will still have side effects.  It is important to weigh if they are something you can live with, or if you have to try a different dosage or medication.  

Something else to consider is that once you have been on a medication for a while, your body may become immune to it.  In this case, you may need a new dosage, or even a new med, starting the roller coaster again.  This is not a bad thing!  It is just part of it all.  

Some of the medications may not even be for mental illness; but commonly known to treat something else.  Do not freak out; your doctor is not nuts, some drugs have been known to treat things other than what they were created for.  

Make sure you have an open dialogue with your doctor and your pharmacist.  They will make this roller coaster a lot easier to ride. 

Back to Life, Back to Reality

Monday I went back to work after almost three months off.  Even before that I worked sporadically.  Now I am committing to forty hours a week.  Why?  Well I need to get back into reality.  I am currently living in a toxic situation and need to move my family (my son, dog, and cat) out of our current domicile and into something better, mentally healthier.  

As an update, I now see a therapist about once a month, my shrink about every six weeks, and liking my meds.  I have a list of AA groups for the area, and mental support groups.  Hopefully I can find something in them, some sort of peace or validation.  

I feel like I am starting life over again, new job, new place to live, new goals.  Starting over, again.  We can do this though, we’ll do it together.  I’ll help you by pouring my heart out online and you’ll help me by liking or viewing my posts.  Another goal is to not leave you hanging so long between posts, and to finish things that I have started.

Wish us luck!  We are going to need it :)

Danielle