A New Book for a New Year

For about the last two or three years, I have utilized a planner to keep me organized.  I read a lot about organization and probably over a hundred articles on how to organize my life.  To be honest, I have never found one way that works just perfect for me, but I have found things that work and things that do not. 

I tried using the calendar in my phone, which was a real flop.  The only thing it is really good for is setting up reminders when I have to feed my friend’s dog two weeks from now.  I have a calendar on the wall at home and one at work.  The one at work is mainly for reference and has very little written in; the one at home hangs right by the door and has things like birthdays, appointments, and school schedules on it.  Great for reference, but still could not keep me organized.  I do not always look at this calendar, and when I do, I do not always realize there is something written on it that I should be planning for. 

It all really was not that terrible until I went back to school and became completely overwhelmed with assignments.  That is when I decided I needed to find or create a system that worked for me.  Now, apps are great, do not get me wrong.  I used AnyDo for quite a long time with great results, but they changed the format and it no longer works for me.  EverNote is great for keeping track of projects; it has gotten me through many home improvements.  But for overall life, I decided that I needed to go back to good, old fashioned paper and pen. 

The last two years, I have utilized a formatted planner by Iconic, which I purchased on Amazon.  The size was perfect to put just about anywhere, and the format provided me with plenty of room for each day and has separate note and list sections which were utilized to the max.  The problem is that the format changes a little each year; so while 2015 was perfect, 2016 ended up being okay, and I never found 2017’s.  I did not fret though; I decided it was time to go in a slightly different direction: Customization. 

Have you heard of bullet journals? How about happy journals?  Well, the bullet journal seemed like way too much work for me, but the happy journal did not seem budget friendly.  I knew what I wanted my new planner to include, so I went more towards the bullet journal style.  In the entire collection of articles I have read, they all mentioned their favorite picks for books and I decided on a lemon colored Leuchtturm1917, purchased from Amazon.  I will not bore you with the details of it, but I knew it was going to be perfect when I opened it up for the first time. 

For almost the last two months in 2016, I started figuring out what I wanted to keep in 2017’s planner, so by the time I actually purchased one, and received it; I was all set to get started.  It was very therapeutic and almost empowering to draft out my whole year.  It really gave me a sense of control to be able to essentially format my life for the next 365 days.  I took me almost two days to get it completed to the point that that can be considered complete on the second day of the year, but it is a thing of beauty.

I originally wanted four sections in one book, but ended up with eight in three books!  Yes, I got a little crazy, but it makes total sense to me, and that is really all that matters.  In the main book, my Lemon Leuchtturm, I have all of the things necessary for the household, such as a budget, a bills paid section, outstanding checks (yes, I still write checks), and even a daily chore list. 

The next section is what I titled “Personal Growth.”  While I do not seem to have a lot of “growing” in there, it just seemed an appropriate title.  This includes a few pages for tattoo ideas, movies I want to watch, books I want to read, quotes that I find inspirational, personal goals for 2017, and the ever important bucket list.

The third and final section in this book is dedicated to my son.  In here I have everything I want to do with him, such as going to a really cool place I saw on TV, seeing a specific movie, or reading him a special book.  It is by far the smallest section, but the most important. 

The second book is an inexpensive impulsive buy from Target, which has been collecting dust (lime green in case you were wondering). It contains all of my “projects.”  This includes sections for my business, Colt’s Bones, my blog, notes for all of my social media accounts that I use to promote them, and my personal projects, such as making curtains for my bedroom.  In here I also have goals listed and tips on how to achieve them.

The third book is a soft-covered, black Moleskine.  I have always been a fan of this brand for journals, and that is exactly what I am using for-a personal journal.  I have always found that writing/typing out my thoughts has given my mind some piece, slows it down a bit so I can focus on things instead of filtering through the little thoughts or subconscious ones. 

I still use sticky notes because they are easy to move from week to week, and can be transferred from the fridge to the planner or what not.  I also just found out about an app for my favorite grocery store that I am downloading and going to check out.

Do you need three books? Probably not, but this is what works for me. I hope it helps you in your journey of organization.

The Tide is Changing

I can feel it, the levelness breaking away. Insomnia is starting,  staying up later. Which way will it go; mania or depression? How long will it last? To what extreme?

It is nice to be so aware,  but it is also a curse.  It's not just the insomnia,  the eating too. My mood has been very snappy.

Let's see where this goes and how long it keeps me there.

New Found Sanity

Recently, with a lot of help from my mother,  I moved out of the place I had with my boyfriend and his children and into a place that I can call my own. Granted, I am not alone; I have my son, dog, and cat with me, but it is all mine.

It is a cozy (small) two bedroom house with a great yard,  down the street from a playground.  Just enough for us.

In the weeks that have followed the move, I have noticed a huge reduction in stress and better use if coping skills. Yes, it is scary being responsible for all of this and not being able to predict or control certain changes or events, but with the support of family and friends, I got this!

My Time in the Psych Ward: What Tomorrow Brought

I woke up that Tuesday morning to the sun shining in through the window. The clock on the otherwise bare, stark white wall, said it was a little after seven. The door to my room was open a few inches, but I did not hear much outside if it.  I vaguely remembered someone telling me breakfast was at eight, but first things first, I had to pee.

I walked down to the nurses station, trying to observe and take in everything I could. No one at the station was familiar from the night before, but that would make sense. I did not speak when I got to the nurse's station; I didn't have to. My blank stare and wide eyes, a look they must have seen a million times before, spoke for me. One woman asked very sweetly, like if I were a lost three-year old, if I was Danielle. I just nodded. They all greeted me and a short round of introductions were given. Then she asked me, in that soft, sweet voice, if I need to use the bathroom. Again, I just nodded and someone came with me back to my room to unlock my bathroom door.

Bathroom doors are locked until you get doctor’s approval to have it kept unlocked.

I opened the shower curtain and realized the all-in-one cleanser was mounted to the wall in a soap dispenser. My hair was gonna love this… I turned on the water for the shower and was blown away; it had so much pressure that I actually let it beat on my shoulders, back, and neck for a massage. I stayed in there so long, had it so hot, I was almost limp when I got out, but I felt amazing.

Now I was ready to face my day.

For the next two days I spent most of my time in some sort of therapy. It was very therapeutic and I really started to feel better, like I had more direction, an idea of what I needed to help myself.

The rest of my visit was pretty much therapy and eating, three hots and cot, with my own bathroom, and housekeeping was through daily. The social worker gave me a list of resources to help me when I went back home.

Wednesday night, I ate my last meal with my new friends and left the hospital. My first stop was the pharmacy to fill a bunch of new prescriptions, the second stop was to see my son. It had been almost a week since I had seen him, and when he called me when I was in the hospital, I almost cried talking to him. I went to his dad’s house, gave him the biggest hug I could. I tucked him into bed, we chatted a little, and I sang Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star for him.

I collected my dog, who was also staying at dad’s, and went home. As a side note, the dog was so happy to see me, that he pushed my son out of the way multiple times to get a hug.

When I got home, everyone was watching tv in the living room. I got the dog set up, said hello to the cat, made a very stiff drink and just went into my room and closed over the door.

A little bit later, my boyfriend came in to check on me, sat with me for a little bit and then just let me be. Tomorrow was going to be a whole new day.

My Time in the Psych Ward: The First Night

As I mentioned previously, this is actually something I thought would be easy to talk about, but to describe it is just really weird.  I wish I had a better word for it.

Walking up to the Adult Psychiatric Unit was scary; it was dark and we were escorted by security.  I had no idea what to expect.  The nurses for the unit told me to have a seat in a chair across from the nurse's station.  They took my bag and went through it; I was able to keep my journal and colored pencils.  I traded in my draw-string shorts for scrub pants, and my hair clip for a elastic pony.  I was handed a paper cup with a toothbrush and toothpaste in it.  They took my blood pressure, temperature, and asked me a bunch of intake questions while I was eating a box lunch.

I just remember being scared.  Everyone kept telling me I was safe; but I was still scared.  Of what?  Well I am not exactly sure.  Everything I guess.  What was tomorrow going to bring?  What was going to happen to my son?  Sure he was with his dad that night, but I was supposed to pick him up from the sitter the next day.  How was he going to react when I asked him to pick him up.  Would I be able to ask him?  What was tomorrow going to bring?

I was assigned my room, given a list of rules and told what time breakfast was.  I was also given two towels and one of those huge water mugs/bottles that are so common in hospitals.  It even had my name on it.  I took in the room; it could easily be converted for two people if needed, two desks, two dressers, two chairs, two sitting chairs, but only one bed.

I laid down and tried to sleep, my mind was pretty numb at this point, but all I could do was cry.  I cried for at least another hour.  Who knew I had any more tears to shed.  Eventually I fell asleep.  I slept solid, for the first time in a long time, even though I had no idea what morning, as it was already tomorrow, would bring.

The Medication Roller Coaster

Do not be afraid of medication when diagnosed with a mental illness; it can actually be your friend and help you lead a normal life.  Unfortunately, it is usually a roller coaster of a ride until you find the one, or combination, of meds and dosages that work for you.  This can be a scary thing, but you have to trust in yourself and  your provider that you will figure it out.  

New medications take time to become effective, and the first couple of weeks on a new one can really suck.  Sometimes, even after your body has become use to it, you will still have side effects.  It is important to weigh if they are something you can live with, or if you have to try a different dosage or medication.  

Something else to consider is that once you have been on a medication for a while, your body may become immune to it.  In this case, you may need a new dosage, or even a new med, starting the roller coaster again.  This is not a bad thing!  It is just part of it all.  

Some of the medications may not even be for mental illness; but commonly known to treat something else.  Do not freak out; your doctor is not nuts, some drugs have been known to treat things other than what they were created for.  

Make sure you have an open dialogue with your doctor and your pharmacist.  They will make this roller coaster a lot easier to ride. 

Back to Life, Back to Reality

Monday I went back to work after almost three months off.  Even before that I worked sporadically.  Now I am committing to forty hours a week.  Why?  Well I need to get back into reality.  I am currently living in a toxic situation and need to move my family (my son, dog, and cat) out of our current domicile and into something better, mentally healthier.  

As an update, I now see a therapist about once a month, my shrink about every six weeks, and liking my meds.  I have a list of AA groups for the area, and mental support groups.  Hopefully I can find something in them, some sort of peace or validation.  

I feel like I am starting life over again, new job, new place to live, new goals.  Starting over, again.  We can do this though, we’ll do it together.  I’ll help you by pouring my heart out online and you’ll help me by liking or viewing my posts.  Another goal is to not leave you hanging so long between posts, and to finish things that I have started.

Wish us luck!  We are going to need it :)

Danielle